I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
