census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
