I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
