I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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