so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
