Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
