I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
