Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
