Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
