I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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