Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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