Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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