Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
