good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish my penis had a tongue
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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