The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
