in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
