Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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