So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A bitchslap is in order.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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