she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
