Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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