Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
