How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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