Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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