So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
