he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
