We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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