I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
