Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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