no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
