no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
