she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
