Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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