Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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