No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
