Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
