i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
