Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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