new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
