just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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