Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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