apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
