Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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