yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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