just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
