last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
