New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
