I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
