My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i will never coherently bang her
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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