hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
