is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
