Only a mothe r could love this liver
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
