life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how can u be prego again
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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