dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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