I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
