here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
