she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
