Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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