hotel room ftw
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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