i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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