hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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