She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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