Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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