The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
