If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
