We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
