do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want nice things and good sex
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
