Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
pray to the hookup gods
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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