If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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