Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So vagazzling was a success
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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