i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
