your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i already hear my dad disowning me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
