pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
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just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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