Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
